GOMEZ & PAOLO •Gap Annihilation Project•

Death

2007-08-01T02:21:00.000-07:00

Weep and mourn! Our noble knights lie slain by the mightiest enemy of all - circumstance. The Gap Annihilation Project drifts unhelmed like the Mary Celeste, directionless and bereft of life. For those of you dedicated followers of gap annihilation, you may refer back to annihilategaps.blogspot.com where a necromancer works to raise Gomez from the dead...

French forests, trolls, etc

2007-04-20T17:07:00.000-07:00

If you go down to the woods today you're sure to get a surprise.

Dark Days, Denouements and Departures.

2006-12-02T01:20:00.000-08:00

Oh dreaded malignancy! The fould grasp of the succubus Auhsoj had ensnared the Noble Sir Paolo banisher of hatred, leaving Sir Gomez, formerly known as the Annihilator of Gaps but now simply known as Sir Gomez, to fight his battles alone in his wounded and reduced state all the while seeking a noble means by wish to liberate Paolo from what seemed impending doom.

Gomez fought on, briefly aided by the willing samurai and the african warlord, but eventually he was left alone on the banks of the Tarn, like a shipwreck survivor thrown by Neptune upon the beach to live a little more and with lions, dragons and witches all around! How could he survive? He spent his days attempting to solve the riddle of Paolo's decption, all the while dreaming of Pharisees and benign moments as he wearied of the battle.

Meanwhile Paolo raged gloriously upon his enemies, bringing a raucous demise to all that withstood him. But with each sun cycle he slipped a little further away from his kith Sir Gomez, formerly known as the Annihilator of Gaps but now known as simply Sir Gomez, and a little more under the dreaded enchantment of the foul sorceror who shadowed his every step.

After consulting with some passing gypsys, Gomez became aware that he may not be able to free Paolo without violence or without severely harming Paolo. As a noble knight, he was unable to jettison his honour and slay Auhsoj who, being a weak and lowly creature, was an unfit opponent for Sir Gomez. Furthermore, Paolo was entrapped to a degree that forcibly removing him from the parasitic grasp of the enchanter may kill him as the shock of freedom in the soul after many hours of slavery can overwhelm and smother it.

What was Gomez to do? He knew that his weakening swordarm could not protect him much longer, and that without his battle brother he would soon fall victim to a gap, dragon or perhaps some soupy miasma of the mind. He decided that he would travel to the spiritual homeland of Knights Errant, great England, here he could restore his strength and consult with sages on how to free Paolo. Paolo would be set free to face his darkest hour alone, this was not a decision easy to make for Gomez, but he knew that man's greatest battles are always fought with himself and ultimately must always be made alone, in the silence, and in the dark, with neither witness nor glory.

As Gomez prepared to leave he noticed that the darkness was spreading, the embattled sun, bastion of light, struggled each day to raise himself above the horizon and give the grace of his blessing to those upon the rocks. Also, nature showed the effects of declining magnificence, as trees came near to death, dropping all their beautiful leaves like so many letters from scorned lovers. Weary was the heart of Sir Gomez, formerly known as the Annihilator of Gaps but now known as simply Sir Gomez, and as he said his goodbyes he wondered what the fate of his heroic friend would be. They two who had travelled so far and stood fast against such great adversity were now speeding apart like two collided meteors.

What transpired? Well, in my capacity as historian, I, Cid Hamet Benengeli, can tell you that Gomez arrived in ye olde Englande where he met with and tamed a mighty Dragon, following in the footsteps of St. George, Knight of Knights. But what became of poor Sir Paolo, banisher of hatred? It is rumored he also escaped to England, somehow freeing himself of the devious grasp of Auhsoj. But how? Well that is not history so I'll have to transfer you to another department, please hold the line. Beeeeeeeeppppppp. [enter obnoxious hold music].

Four hours later.

Welcome to the present! Unfortunately our present system is currently out of order, please wait until the present becomes history and speak to our history department.

Alternatively, stay tuned for the exciting installment of the second sally of the Knights of St John of Jerusalem. Will they reunite and annihilate gaps in all forms and sizes? Will they seek other paths and sell vegetables in a small market somewhere in Hertfordshire? What did happen to Sir Paolo when he travelled to the blue waters and escaped his enchantment?

Merlin's Crystall Ball

2006-12-01T11:37:00.000-08:00

Merlin's Crystall Ball is now online, and has revealed an amazing secret. You, yes YOU, the reader are enchanted! You may have recollections of reading some past adventures of the Knights of St John of Jerusalem. However, what you read was only dry snippets compared to the reality provided by I, your faithful historian Cid Hamet Benengeli. Luckily, with the aid of Merlin's Crystal Ball you may now return to the missed adventures in their full glory and free of enchantment. This way you may see great images and learn of amazing deeds of valour and honour otherwise lost to the world through the wicked trickery of necromancers and cyber cafe owners.

Update?!

2006-11-28T05:12:00.000-08:00

What we have here is a failure to communicate...

The noble Sir Gomez, having travelled endlessly, fought many a mighty foe and vanquished all in his path, is now residing in that bastion of St George, knight of knights, glorious England. Here he hath befriended Merlin, that great and immortal enchanter, who hath, through his art of necromancy and enchantment, granted Sir Gomez the power of stealing the light of history, thereby enabling him to show us tasty snippets of deeds past and done. In this way our readers may be informed by the noted historian Cid Hamet Benengeli of details missed in recent times, but of such note that they cannot be ignored by that great and impartial judge of deed that we call history.

So, avid reader, fear not and let patience by thy guiding virtue, as the noble historian of the Moors, Cid Hamet Benegeli, will soon embark upon a full explication of recent times featuring our heroes the Knights of St John of Jerusalem. And, with the help of Merlin the Sorceror, you might even get some ghostly-time-travelling-doppelgangerish images of events you must fear your eyes had blinked and missed and would never see.

Chronique de la Haine Ordinaire

2006-08-24T13:25:00.000-07:00

Sir Paolo battled long and hard against his chosen foe, and, despite being severely wounded in the middle finger, eventually prevailed. His victory was glorious and against all the myriad difficulties of circumstance. But what a boon for mankind! To banish hatred! Such heroes as Sir Paolo do not grace the earth so often as the downtrodden might wish.

See this image of Gomez acknowledging upon his arm in the blood of orcs his admiration for Paolo's achievement.

Paolo's strength gave Gomez renewed hope in his own struggle and he redoubled his efforts in overcoming the the massive slabs and myriad mazes of faces on the great beast known as the Gap of all gaps. Many times he sought to annihilate, but each time he failed and only a magical cord given him by an enchanter, which acted like an umbilical lifeline, saved him from an early handshake with destiny. Eventually, Gomez wounds became so great, and the darkness seemed to surround him amid bursts of bright light, he faltered and fell. To his good fortune he was rescued by a humble samurai and made his escape with the assistance of this samurai, defeated, but alive to fight again another day.

However, this important defeat weighed heaily upon Sir Gomez, who no longer felt he could lay claim to the title the Annihilator of Gaps. His sword hand became weary and his shield was riddled with holes. He needed the aid of a hospital and some heavy cheese. His will was battered like so many fish, and his hope chipped. He cried out "Take these hands, and throw them in the river!"

In this, the time of weakness, and the lowest ebb of the holy light of St John of Jerusalem, an evil presence entered the brotherhood. An evil succubus in a devious doppelgangerish form laid siege to the hate-free benevolence of Sir Paolo, and he was pulled away from his Knightly duty of aiding the forlorn Sir Gomez. Paolo travelled with the disgusting and enormous Auhsoj away from the company of Sir Gomez, who was left with the brave samurai and the insane African warlord Deon the Huge.

Gomez fled from the Gap and sought salvation in the blessed waters of the Holy Tarn, where his wounds might be repaired and his honour restored. He also hoped to rescue Sir Paolo from the danger of which he had no idea...

The largest gap in the world.

2006-08-21T12:23:00.000-07:00

And so it was, that in the place marked on the map as Gap, Sir Gomez and Sir Paolo arrived to meet the challenge. Their journey was far and their bodies weary, in the dark rain and with no food in their bellies, they staggered under the weight of their armour. But then the bright light of providence shone upon them, and a local merchant gave them a ride in his cart to reach a safe haven. And what a haven->

Here they basked in the glory and beauty of pure existence, all the while battling to overcome the great perils that face Knight-Errants of such a nature as the Knights of St John of Jerusalem. Gomez in particular, continually battled his greatest demons, to occaisional success. Even in his darkest hour, Gomez was aware of the blessed light that shined on him from afar, and this gave him courage to continue his impossible battle.-> This light sometimes touched upon the surface of things, to remind Gomez of its presence.

Nevertheless, Gomez existed in great peril, and even the presence of so great a knight as Sir Paolo was of little assistance to him. Paolo had his own battles to fight, and every knight knows that his greatest battle must be fought alone and against his shadow who is an equal match. Thus, Gomez steeled himself each day to the coming struggle and fought on. This historian feels compelled to ask the obvious question: how can one man annihilate a gap so large it appears on a map, an evil so great it hurls lightning bolts from the sky and sends great floods to dilute your tears and deposit mud upon your hopes? This evil beast, the greatest gap known to humanity, like a tangible black hole, dogged Gomez who attempted to endure it like the stone surroundings he admired.

It was not Gomez alone who struggled. Many great warriors travelled to this mecca of magnificence to prove their worth to whatever maiden it was that had scorned them. Well known figures of martial strength such as Iker the Pou, the invincible and thus ironicly named 'Dai' Koyamada, famed samurai Yuji of the Flat Mountain, German cowboy Markus Bock, Duke Fabien of Christ, the Dwarven strongmen brothers Arnaud and Francois, Sir Lawrence of De Ladia (pictured), and local demi-god Silver Mullet. All came to fight, most left defeated.

Our heroes were particularly drawn to an unknown hero of Polish origin who battled mercilessly against a great foe. Like a reversed Sisyphus, each time he appeared on the verge of victory, the stone remained unmoved and it was he who was cast back down the hill to lie sprawled in defeat.->

It was at about this time that Sir Paolo made clear his intentions to undertake a great battle. he would seek to banish any story of ordinary hatred from the world. How would he fare?

Leaving Bavaria

2006-08-12T12:00:00.000-07:00

Well, with Bavaria rescued from Dragons, evil Knights slain and all perceptible gaps well and truly annihilated our heroes elected to travel south in search of new adventures. Sir Paolo was joined by his brother and his brother's lady, and the party travelled to Austria to attempt to rescue a noble knight who had fallen under the spell of a mighty enchanter known as The Grampians. Unfortunately, this poor Knight was too far gone and dissappeared into the ether shortly after. The party was not to be dismayed though and travelled further south into the mountains. Their destination is pictured above.

Here the Knights found traces of evil so powerful they only fought briefly, albeit with the aid of some local heroes, before being forced to retreat to safety. See here a fellow knight battling a dragon so vast its enitrety cannot be comprehended in a single given moment.

After the worthy and prudent retreat, Sir Paolo and Sir Gomez were separated from Luigi and his accompanying maiden, and thus travelled west into the fabled land of Gap. It was here, fittingly, that fortune tellers had told Sir Gomez, known to some as The Annihilator of Gaps,he would meet his greatest challenge and require all of his famed courage and valour.

Proof of sorcery!

2006-07-26T05:59:00.000-07:00

I, noted historian Cid Hamet Benengeli, am aware that there are those out there reading of these adventures that pour scorn upon Knight errantry as mere romantic whimsy and fantastical adolescent delusion. Not only this, they assist this belief with doubt in the existence of all enemies of knight errantry (from which they are thanklessly protected by the likes of the Knights of St John of Jerusalem), such as dragons, sorcerors, ogres, necromancers, brutes, hippies, wicked dwarves, politicians, enchantresses, radical right-wing conservatives etc.

Well! Make thy enormous dish of humble pie and gorge thyself! See here evidence of sorcery! Sir Gomez, arriving in Bavaria, finds evidence of his coming dated prior to all knowldge of his journey. Only sorcery can explain this mystery! Observe here Gomez as he stands beneath a portrait undoubtedly of himself and predicitng his arrival.

Stare into thy crystal ball, O great enchanter!

2006-07-25T05:33:00.000-07:00

And thus witness the destruction of all enemies of St John of Jerusalem. Brought to you by Merlin the time-travelling stealer of light and provider of things that are requested.

A Treatise on the actions of Knight-Errantry

2006-07-24T05:10:00.000-07:00

Sir Paolo, having gallivanted around on his pony for many a year, once heard the tale of the mightiest of all Dragons, known enigmatically as 'WildHead'. At the time, Paolo's belief in the fearsome tales of this beast of all beasts contained a small parcel of doubt. However, as the years rolled by and more stories reached his ears Paolo began to be fascinated by the prospects of entering into combat with such a magnificent and rarely-defeated creature. Upon arriving in Bavaria, news reached our noble knights that the WildHead was residing nearby, and thus, Paolo ordained that our knights and their party must immediately attempt to subdue this monstrous threat to humanity. An artist's rendering of the belly of the dragon is seen here.

Upon arrival, Paolo witnessed an innocent young maid being carried off, all starry-eyed, by the beast. He cried "From the fiery jaws of the Dragon you shall be delivered!" And immediately attempted to rescue the damsel. He can be seen here, with the assistance of Merlin's wizardry clambering up the belly of the dragon in order to smite it. Unfortunately for Sir Paolo, the breath of the dragon was so fetid, its claws so strong, its scales so thick and armoured, that even the might of Sir Paolo was unable to vercome the beast. While he escaped all fingers in tact, the damsel was lost to the world for ever.

Herman Heatwave Hits

2006-07-23T09:21:00.000-07:00

Ya ya, tiz very hot. Last five days haf bean dirty-fife degwees or more. Makes us weak, yes? Weak and tired. Then thunderstorm, we scared of being hit by lightning wearing all our armour. Must hide in caves. Not good. Soon, cool down, very good.

Mortal Combat (Rest Day Soccer Matches)

2006-07-20T07:41:00.000-07:00

The Knights of St John of Jerusalem, known to us by the simple honorific devices of Paolo and Gomez, had not been long in the fabled lands of bavaria, whenst they occaisioned upon a company of former comrades who were akin in spirit. This foreign company had heard many a merry minstrel recite the gallant exploits of Paolo and Gomez, and were thus eager for our heroes to join their company so that their numbers would be increased. Given that their quest was devised upon similar aims, our heroes accepted their invitation. It certainly heartened paolo and Gomez, so far from their accustomed lands, to share bread with familiar fellows. This company consisted of Radioactive Wolfgang (a.k.a. Reuben Daily-Beverage), Matt ´Pierre Bollinger´ Adams, Scoots the Driver (not pictured), and Dan (Gaskins is better than Jesus) the Brit (he is is the one in grey, he he).

However, unbeknownst to paolo and Gomez, this company of antipodean misfits had raised the ire of a roving band of Viking warriors. These Northern monsters challenged the company to a jousting tourney in order to prove their martial superiority. To uphold their honour, Paolo and Gomez could not beg innocence of any dispute, and were thus forced to take part in this tournament. Indeed, once committed, our heroes relished the opportunity to unsheathe swords after much time spent journeying.

Despite being outnumbered, the side of our heroesemerged victorious, the final score being Commonwealth 10 Sweden 6. A famous victory indeed, the combat being fierce and relentless, no doubt the battleground formerly known as the Wolsberger Fussball Sportplatz shall henceforth bear a grand memorial and be known as Schwartzvikingsdoom. Paolo in particular distinguished himself during the faux-combat, scoring four strikes against his foes. Gomez, bearing wounds to his lower limbs, was less ferocious, he nevertheless made three strikes, one of which was unfortunately made upon his own side in a fit of berserker rage.

Local Wildlife

2006-07-19T09:42:00.000-07:00

Whilst searching the forest for cantilevered rock crevices the honourable knight Sir Gomez was accosted by a pack of no less than 23 ticks. The ticks were duly slain by Gomez, who made excellent use of the form of swordplay known as the pincer movement. His technique was so proficient that he slew all 23 without a nick from their vile poisoned blades.

However, the Queen Lyme of the Ticks was so enraged at the massacre of her henchmen that unbeknownst to Gomez she sent four assasins, trained in the secret and deadly art of ninjutsu. These parasitic creatures of the night set upon our herowho is in comparison a shining light of chivalry, despite his title of knight there be not a shadow in his heart! Perhaps it is not more than this light from within which blessed him and delivered him from the poison of the four assasins. The ninja were captured and slain, their poison unable to infect the constitution of Sir Gomez, Knight of St John of Jerusalem. His wounds quickly healed, Sir Gomez was prepared to continue his quest in search of more wicked gaps to annihilate...

Noble Deeds

2006-07-17T09:51:00.000-07:00

No doubt, eager readers, thouest wish to know how fares the quest of our noble knights. Fear not, the Knights of St John of Jerusalem have not lain idlein the meadows of Franconia, fondling local wenches and munching upon the sweet baked treats of the kitchens. Many noble deeds have been accomplished. Firstly, Paolo dismissed the Three Musketeers in one mighty blow. "Thine Holy Trinity of thy Lord was thus blessed my smiting hand" he crieth. Then he dispatched the monster known as Bastard, trained by the legendary daemon master-at-arms Jerry Moffat, in one short and ferocious day of battle.Finally, as if these feats were not sufficient, Paolo gloriously defeated the local champion Master Blaster, who resides at SCHLOSSBERGZWANDE. Gomez, upon hearing of a band of pesky midgets terrorising a local valley, sought to match the epic deeds of Paolo. Following the path of the defeated hero Berti Vogts, Gomez single-handedly stormed the Dwarf castle of Zwergenschloss, emerging with all his digits intact. He then ventured to Drachensberg, lair of a local Dragon, and defeated this dragon with nay a singed hair on his scalp.

What future conquests are possible? Only time will tell the greatness of the story of the fortunes of the Knights of St John of Jerusalem, of.

Translation

2006-07-06T00:40:00.000-07:00

Franken = Fingers

Jura = Armageddon

Frankenjura = The end of fingers.

Farewells

2006-06-25T03:35:00.000-07:00

As the time to depart draws ever closer, fearless Paolo must make the farewell gestures already made by his foreign fellow knight Gomez. He hath spent recent days practicing his craft with his close fellow Knight Hospitaller and Team Tiger Monkey Co-ordinator Luigi. Though bent on a different quest, Luigi is also a master destroyer of gaps, though more prone to the subtle art of manipulation, rather than than the brutal methods of annihilation. Such subtlety is evidenced below:

Luigi has spent many hours with Paolo sharing a great camaraderie and hunting gaps in the wild.

Though they now go their separate ways, it seems likely that the eternal trickster known as fate will take some future opportunity to reunite them in a quest so great that it is already written across the night sky in a hand we mortals lack the wisdom to decipher.

And so, farewell, goodbye, so long, the Knights of St. John of Jerusalem must depart their cherished homelands and forge their own path through the dense thickets of Bavaria. In doing so they leave behind not only their kin and the familiar and beautiful landscapes upon which they have made their indelible marks, but also the few luxuries and comforts such knights allow themselves in times of reflection. Luxuries such as the company of their minstrel who hath accompanied them on many a hunt. A minstrel who hath provided jovial relief in times of great seriousness and peril, when the knights fear all is lost and that the darkness would envelop them and their famous deeds would be lost amongst the vast nexus of possibilities that entwines and supports the massive blank canvas of contingency.

The Famous Minstrel of Faulconbridge

What does the future hold for the Knights of St. John of Jerusalem? The next installment of this epic story will answer some of our more pressing questions about how the Knights will fare upon their travels, and how their sunny and rugged antipodean dispositions will be greeted by the serious peons of the gap infested northern lands. Farewell to the young lands of sandstone and gum and let our heroes burst forth yonder unto the aged forests and the limestone scarps of ze mighty Frankenjura.

Training and Preparation

2006-06-25T01:46:00.000-07:00

You may think that gap annihilation and dragon slaying is all fun and games, but no, it is a serious business.The Knights of St. John of Jerusalem spend many hours in training, both physical and mental, in order to be fully prepared for any gaps that may attempt to ambush them in the wild. With the aid of his kin, Paolo has constructed a fearsome training dungeon, the likes of which no mortal but he could escape from unaided.

In preparation for the wolves of Bavaria, Paolo and Gomez have spent many hours in this dungeon simulating various gap annihilation scenarios.

Paolo has used his extended preparation time to call uponl great spirits and vanquish demons, the powers of which he may channel in his gap annihilation preparation. Witness the demonic power unleashed!

Paolo also uses advanced and until now secret techniques of preparation, whereby he extracts the essence of his vanquished foes and then subsumes this essence in his hour of need. This grants him the ability to unleash not only his own inner power developed through years of transcendental meditation, but also temporarily add the power stolen from those he hath slain.

So, to all gaps remaining in the wild and of sufficient sentience to absorb this chronicle, be warned! The Knights of St. John of Jerusalem wield great and unholy powers the likes of which no crusader has mastered before. Step warily and take wide passage, should you hear the clippity-clop of the noble steeds bearing these martial magi in yonder lands.

A Beginning

2006-06-21T03:04:00.000-07:00

Whilst these Knights begin their crusade in the most chivalrous province of Bavaria, it is in fact the case that their origins are far distant. Our two mighty heroes were torn from the nothingness and deposited upon the very bottom of the world. From this accursed realm which hath shaped their very souls they have voyaged ever upwards to gain the mighty forests of the Franks. Witness the hellhole from whence they came!

Despite their antipodean beginnings the Knights of St John of Jerusalem are as cultured and noble a duo as you might ever hope to meet, but trust me not in this, let their noble deeds speak for themselves...